In a commendable acknowledgement of Chinese sovereignty over KFL truth, Mr McGiblets convened a meeting with the CHAIRMAN's representative today, and agreed to the following incontrovertibly correct analysis of the draft.

1. Palasky

Ruck
Goldi
Res: Maric

For
Betts, Jenkins, D.Menzel, Higgins
Res: SJ, Mitch Clark

Mid
Fyfle (FLEX), Neale, Hodge, Dahlhaus, S.Hill
Res: L.Taylor, S.Grigg

Tack
Viney, J.Steven
Res: Greenwood, Curnow, Langford

Mark
Harry Taylor, Dempster
Res: NO ONE

The Russians started as runaway premiership favourites with Viney locked in and Goldi pick #1, but being the good sport that he is, Della has chipped away at his own advantage and brought the rest of the comp back into it. This injury-prone, rat-like and heavily Adelaide-flat-track-bully-dependent forward line will badly need Mitch Clark and SJ to hit 2012 form. Tacklers are solid, if we leave aside the fact that Jack Steven is not a tackler. Also good to see the emotions taking over with a heavily Freo midfield in a year of inevitable Freo decline.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): Hodge in R9.
- Honourable mention: M.Clark in round 17 could be huge.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): D.Menzel in round 7, which Della understandably tried to disguise as his round 8 pick.
- Honourable mention - S.Grigg (who cares which round, the S. says it all!)

2. Gangsta

Ruck - Burger
res Smith, Currie

Forward
Stringer, Schultz, Pav, Waite
res, Casboult, Darcy Moore, McCartin

Mid
Adams (FLEX), Treloar, Beams, Murphy, Hanley
res Zorko, Cripps, M Crouch

Tackler
Rocky, Blicavs
res Guthrie

Marker
Johnson, Mackie
res Rance

Aside from the Ruckburger, the old forward line, ex-comrade Schulz's bad back, the fact that PAV will play 15 games max before retirement, and the complete absence of credible reserves, this is a gun squad. Kiza later confessed to having his eye on Nick Riewoldt, which would certainly have made this situation worse. Attempted to compensate for the frail/geriatric tendencies of the squad by taking OC character Taylor Adams way too early (ahead of Dangermouse???!!!!!). Rance and Hanley the picks of this bunch. And he does have Rocky.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): Patrick Cripps, round 14.
- Honourable mention: Curry in R23, should be Gold Coast #1 ruck this year, and eligible for Father-Son despite being about 29 years old.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Burgur in round 3.
- Honourable mention: ex-comrade the ZMAN in R13. He only plays for the CHAIRMAN.

3. McGibblet Province of China

Ruck
Martin
Res: NONE

For
Tomahawk, J.Riewold, Josh Walker, Patton
Res: Matera, Vardy

Mid
Pendles (FLEX), PParker, N.Jones, Barlow, Zaha
Res: The Bont, T.Bell, Crouch

Tack
J.Selwood, Picken
Res: Merrett, B.Crouch, De Boer

Mark
Hansen, M.Duncan
Res: Tomlinson

Screwing Tomy pickles (consensually this time, it seems) and claiming the Stefon the Rainbow Ruckman with Pick 3 was a big play at the top, which may have far-reaching consequences for the whole league. Thankfully these will be mitigated by a forward line that has Josh Walker slot in as clearly the 3rd best forward in this squad. Tackling and marking divisions look solid at a glance, but the CHAIRMAN would like to remind the renegade province that last time any KFL nation went into a season relying on Stefon Martin, he scored about 14.5 points, tweaked his hamstring, and never reappeared until the following season. The quality of Chinese-made goods such as the Rainbow Ruckman is clearly on the rise, but we have also learned a thing or two about how to deliberately engineer limited lifespans for such products. We await your call, renegades.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): Stefon the Rainbow Ruckman, R.1
- Honourable mention: Picken in R.7

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Josh Walker in R.10 is an absolute stinka.
- Honourable mention: Josh Walker in R.10.

4. Tomy pickles

Ruck
Nicholls
Res: Minson, Sinclair, Witts, J.Griffon

For
JK, Breust, Petrie, Ballantyne
Res: Jelliott

Mid
JK (FLEX), Swan, Gaff, Shiel, Vince
Res: Crisp, L.Hunter

Tack
Shiels, K.Stevens

Mark
E.Wood, T.Lynch (ADE)
Res: NO ONE

The key to understanding this team is that Tom Nicholls is his first-choice ruck. The question then turns to whether workmanlike guys like the Liam Shiels-Kobe Stevens tackling combo, and the Wood-Lynch markers can redeem this crestfallen wet cucumber of a side? Quick statistic / did you know: JK needs to kick 3 goals per game MORE than Tomahawk to bridge the 25-point gap between Nicholls and the Rainbow Ruckman. So in other words JK probably needs to kick 5.5 goals a game in order for Tomy's move to be turn out to be neutral.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): Lachie Hunter, R.20
- Honourable mention: Dylan Shiel, R.9

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Griffin, Witts, Nicholls, Sinclair and all the other ruck dudds he desperately cobbled together.
- Honourable mention: Lachie Hunter, R.20 - shouldve waited and got him Father-son - on behalf of the 1.3 billion Chinese, i promise that we wouldntve taken him!

5. Wombat

Ruck
Lobbe
Res: McEvoy, Ceglar

For
Gunston, Dickson, Fasolo, C.Cameron
Res: NO ONE

Tack
Priddis, Redden
Res: Connigler, Townsend

Mid
Armitage (FLEX), Sidearse, D.Martin, Montagna, Deledio
Res: T.Greene, B.Harvey, Whitfield

Mark
Duryea, Ibbo
Res: NO ONE

Classic wombat team here. Assuming Lobbe does not last the whole season he will have McEvoy & Ceglar as rucks, in addition to a near-perfect ratlike forward line. Gunston seems a notable exception to this rats-only rule, but despite his height he somehow does maintain a quite ratlike appearance, so it's understandable. Fasolo being taken 13 picks before Tom Boyd, China's comedy-pick for the year, is undoubtedly a leading contender for worst pick of the draft. Not only is Fasolo a starter in this rat-pack, there are NO RESERVES to take his place when he inevitably gets dropped, or moves to the half-back flank. Tory Dickson in Round 6 might have been one of those hilarious stats-based picks, but its doubtful whether even the fresh-faces of the MUMFL will take him that early. Wombat evidently attaches extra value to his rattiness over and above stats. Finally, with an entire tackling division made up of Eagles, the low-intensity, low-tackle Sunday arvo games at Subiaco are going to have a new level of awkwardness, inevitability and all-round mediocrity.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): GWS's the little Conniggler was a steal in Round 11. Could be a gun tackler, mid, flex or all of the above.
- Honourable mention: Townsend may well get game time this year - if so, the Wombats will have a non-Eagle tackler option.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Alex Fasolo in Round 12. Is it just me, or does Fasolo kick 5 goals in a meaningless warm-up game every year?
- Honourable mention: Tory Dickson in R.6

6. Ducks

Ruck: Nic Nat (Giles)
Mid: hanneberry Mitchell Lewis laird mcveigh (masten?)
Forward: Dixon darling Cyril Cripps (McCarthy? Hill, Palmer, puopolo, mayne)
Tackler: Libba rischi (Cyril, puopolo, McGlynn, mayne)
Marker: Westhoff Boyd

We know very few bad puns slip between the quacks when the Duckmaster is around, and the very real prospect of a marking combo of West Off and East On opened up a year of terrible pun-ditry surrounding this team. Since then it has only grown. Recruiting ex-comrade and Chinese academy graduate Tom the Liberatore to free the ducks from their KFL mediocrity was a commendable act, but relying on Risky as #2 starting tackler is pretty much as his name suggests. This is especially so when we consider that ex-comrade Wines was available at the time. With Mitchell, Lewis and McVeigh in the same team, osteoporosis is the main risk factor for this midfield spine. Dixon and Darling is the extent of the forward line, with reserve tacklers occupying the 3rd and 4th slots. Some of these players should not be making any KFL squad. What exactly is Reece Palmer? The master of this team will need bustouts from Dees young guns Clayton Oliver and Salem, otherwise his ducks are flying south this winter.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): Libba, thereby ensuring the Saffa didn't get him
- Honourable mention: Laird

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Riski when Wines was available
- Dishonourable mention: Masten, whom he mistakenly considers to be a (1.) fit and (2.) a good midfielder. Also, Palmer, Cripps, Hill, McCarthy

7. Saffaturk

Ruck - Gawn
Res: longer

For - lynch, buddy, lecca, redpath
Res: green, Heeney + roughy to return for finals

Tack - Sloane, Jack
Res: swallow? aka NO ONE

Mark - Gibson, fisher
Res: Enright, smith, Goddard

Flex - Thompson
Res: Goddard

Mid - Goddard, Cotchin, shuey, smith
Res: Griffen, dal santo, Enright, swallow?

Gawn is a great player, and was a great pick, but his inevitable injury exposes the Saffaturks to the vagaries of Chinese trade. Comrade Spencer is on the table, my friends! The forward line starts with a bang, but quickly fizzles to midfielder buddy, back pocket Mark Lecras (http://www.watoday.com.au/afl/west-coast-eagles/west-coast-eagles-star-mark-lecras-hints-he-could-play-in-defence-in-2016-20160109-gm2fsy.html) and a 77yo Duncan Fearney-wielding opener in Ian Redpath. Jackles will surely be in short supply, with Comrade Jack naturally due for one of his low-to-mid-5/game tackling years -- especially as his brother takes over the role (much to the Turk's distress), and especially since he has spent last year being "re-educated" under the CHAIRMAN's wise tutelage. Frustration and anger management issues will dogg captain ex-comrade Goddard as he cops the best tagger each week (either that or he will retreat again to the half back flank for cheap 18-22 possessions a week). Cotchin will be the same story, but minus the anger and forehead. Team Saffa's flex S.Thompson is one hammy away from retirement, so there is a good chance his initial will finally live up to the reality.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): Gawn
- Honourable mention: Ryan Griffen R.16

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Roughy in Round 7. Unbelieveable incompetence!
- Dishonourable mention: Josh Green R.21 - should not be drafted under any circumstances by anyone. Also: a wranga. Also: a rat.

8. god

ruck- Mummy
fwd- Cameron, Bruce, Cloke, daniher
flwx- Dangerfield
mid- Prestia, Bennell, Gibbs, Sheed/Tyson
tack- Tom Mitchell, Wines/S.Selwood
mark- Tom Mcdonald, McGovern/B.Reid

Surprisingly competent draft, except for the howling, season-ending stinker of a lost-it -- MUMMY in Round 1 (One), in case you were wondering. If the Saints win more games this year, Bruce could be a gun of a second forward. The lost-its began with Scooter Selwood, who was followed by Harley, LT, Gibbs, Kreuzer, Sideshow and….yes…..how has this passed without comment so far…..BEN "REID INJURY IS PURE SPECULATION: BALME" REID!! Of the last 10 picks, only Tyson is passable. So basically, the pontiff's season is still born in the one year he has actually drafted a decent team first 10 players. The hype over the pontiff's decent drafting actually begins to appear more of a turkish propaganda attack than reality. Like life imitating art, like drafts imitating seasons, he will peak very early and fade into obscurity. #WACA #3rdGrade #Channel7Cup #Lobbiesmentor

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): Ex-comrade Wines Round 9
- Honourable mention: Tom McDonald Round 8

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Ben Reid AGAIN HAHAHAHAHA
- Dishonourable mention: All of his last 10 picks.

9. CHINA

Ruck
Jacobs
Res: Campbell Spencer

For
TEXAS HOGAN JEFFREY T.boyd
Res: t.Menzel T.campbell

Mid
ABLETT(flex) Gray Ward Ebert Miles
Res: Wallis Hartlett Ziebell

Tack
Omeara Caddy
Res: Bird Ziebell BRAYSHAW Wallis Hartlett Ebert Spencer

Mark
N.Riewoldt L.Henderson
Res: Ebert Hartlett

Further analysis of this high-precision suite of weaponry would constitute a breach of state secrets laws. For present purposes it will suffice for readers to merely tremble and obey.

10. Jazz

Ruck:
Sandi
Res: Grundy, Jamar, Clarke

Tacklers:
Swallow, Robinson
Res: Mundy, Cunnington

Forwards:
Tippett, Wingard, Walters, Vickery
Res: Motlop, Clarke

Mids:
Boak (FLEX) Mundy, Macrae, Ellis, Motlop
Res: Cunnington, Gray, Kolodjashni, Rosa, Mills

Marker:
MacKenzie, Shaw
Res: Kolodjashni, Mills

Swallow! Mitch! Somebody needed to save them from the indignity of rejection following 7-tackles-a-game seasons, and Kenty obliged. With further admirable generosity, Mundy was taken before Dusty, Hodge, Shiel, Ward, Robbie Gray etc.. Seems to be an emerging pattern of ageing midfielders joining the jazz trail that stretches all the way from the midfield to the back pocket. Tipp-dogg is not a promising forward leader, but the quality of rats surrounding him is high, with Walters and Chinese academy product ex-comrade the CHAD set to deliver smooth easy viewing. Kolojazzni was clearly picked for marketing purposes, not football skills (let alone stats). Just like all the best jazz no one knows where this team is going but it's highly unlikely to be reaching its crescendo on grand final day.

- Pick of the draft contender (category - best): S.Motlop in R.14 could have his long-hinted-at 50-goal season
- Honourable mention: Macrae & Boak R8 & R9 offer great flex opyions

- Pick of the draft contender (category - worst): Mitch Robinson R.3 - probably couldve got him 5 rounds later.
- Dishonourable mention: A.Swallow R.2. Knees. Flank. Pocket. Bench.

Having ruled and rectified your thoughts, and with all of greater China's propaganda now combined under the CHAIRMAN's leadership, all that remains is for All Under Heaven to deeply study and thoroughly implement the completely correct theory of the Chinese People's Republic of KFL's indisputable authority over the KFL cup in 2016.

Obey this!